You are not Enough, and You Will Never be Enough for Him
Common Relationship Story with a Simple Fix
Feeling like you are not enough is a battle we all fight every day. The last thing you need is someone to tell you, "You are not enough". They don't have to say it but it's in the things they do that speak louder than words ever could. Our issue is that we pay close attention to what people say, rather than what they do. At the end of the day, we should teach ourselves to be deaf and dumb so that we can SEE more clearly.
Common Story:
Girl meets guy and there is an instant connection. Things are going well. You have fallen in love with this man, and he is doing all the right things. He takes you on dates, spends time with you, gives you gifts and above all SAYS the right things to make you feel loved and appreciated.
Beginning of the End
Fast forward 8 months, things are still going well but the facade is cracking, subtle things he does spell red flag, but what he says stays the same. And you believe what he says. Only thing is “I love you “becomes conditional. “I want you” is never heard but “I need you” becomes the words you hear the most. “I need you” stays the same but say different. He ignores you, takes without giving back. He doesn’t appreciate you but expects you. Expects you for free, when you are not given freely, guilts you.
You, being the fantastic person that you are kick your effort into overdrive. Why wouldn’t you? He did say (in so many words) “you are not doing enough”. Taking what he said to heart, you begin doing things you never do. You start taking the blame for problems he created. You cancel plans with friends because he has a problem with your friends. You start paying his bills because he has money problems. He has a Problem finding a job, so you will work more. He has a problem with transportation. You will have to drive. The list is endless, but you get the point. He knows you will solve his problems.
You see a need; you fill a need. That is who you are. You are reliable and it makes you feel good to be helpful. You only ask that (someday) all the time and money will be returned to you. But someday is just another word for never.
Fast forward to a year (Maybe less) you look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself or your surroundings. Let’s recap. You have given everything to this man. You are empty financially, emotionally and physically. You doubled your efforts and in return got more problems. That you will be expected to solve. No one should ask more from you. You would never ask anymore but all you continue to hear is how much he needs you. So, you continue to let him take what little you have left.
The Ending
The ending has two paths. The first, you are still with this man. You have not changed your course and will continue to get the same results. Possibly for the rest of your life. The second is that this man has left you. He is physically gone but his problem remains. The problem that you are expected to solve. He left you because you were not doing enough and he left you with the feeling that you are not enough, and you will never be enough. To top it off, He will tell anyone that will listen how poorly you treated him. None of it will be true but people will believe it. People will believe almost anything but the truth. The truth is you are more than enough. He could never let you figure that out, so he manipulated you into believing you would never be good enough for anyone. The truth is depriving and manipulating someone to stay in your life is a sign of a weak and hollow person.
Summary
In summary, you met a man wearing a mask. The mask acted as a mirror. The mirror reflects… what you want to see. As time goes on and the mirror cracks, you glue it back together because you are afraid of seeing what’s underneath. Underneath the mask of this person. There is not a man but an abyss. A void, with nothing but the remnants of your love and energy. Forgotten and neglected amidst the vast emptiness of their soul. Do not hate but pity this man. They missed the chance to have you in their life. A mistake you will never allow him to correct.